You know what they say… The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else! Hate to break it to you, but that doesn’t work in the long run.

No matter who ended it, break ups are painful. It might be more painful if you were the one who was left, but either way, take the time to heal. Here are some tried and true methods for mending a broken heart so you can move forward.

1. Do NOT stalk them on social media.

Seriously the last thing you need to see is them having fun with their friends or God forbid with a new special somone already. Better yet, unfriend and block on social media if you need to in order to protect your mental health. You were lovers. Don’t pretend you can just go on to be friends.

2. Write out all of your feelings.

Everything. Don’t hold back. Let her rip! All the gross, sad, possibly victimy things you might be feeling. Scribble out your rage. Let your fears out. Whatever it is. Even how much you might still miss them. Let it all go on paper. You will feel much better as the act of writing it all out is like physically getting it out of your system. And then burn it. AS it burns, see all those feelings flosting away in the smoke. Rituals, even small ones like this, help to mark the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one without baggage from the past.

3. Remove all objects that can trigger memories

That t-shirt you bought on vacation, a toothbrush, any reminder = garbage! Any photos that will remind you of the good times = delete. If you can’t part with it, at least put it in a bag in the closet. Out of sight out of mind!

4. Don’t drink your feelings

This WILL actually just prolong the healing process as booze hides the feelings we need to process. Plus, the likelihood of a drunk dial or text or stalking them on social media and accidentally liking a pic or commenting in a moment of weakness, will not happen if you are NOT drunk.

5. Feel the pain

Yep, this is a tough one. Trust me, you will not die from sadness. Feel it now so you don’t have to feel it later. Or worse, drag that baggage into your next relationship and replay all the old drama. Heal your wounds so you don’t bleed on someone that didn’t cut you.

6. Do the things you love

Chances are, especially in long term relationships, you probably stopped or didn’t spend as much time doing the things you really love. Now’s your chance to do them again. Spend more time at the gym, with friends, doing whatever makes you happy.

7. Reprogram your mind!

Finally, this is a simple yet powerful exercise to ease the pain of a break up. First, think of the good times. Choose one really good memory. See it in your minds eye with great detail. See all the colors. Feel the feelings of that moment. Now imagine the image of the memory slowly fading into black and white, like an old photo. See the edges begin to tatter. See the image getting smaller as it fades even more until it finally fades away completely.

Now, think back to a bad memory. Maybe a fight you had. See that memory in all it’s glory! Incorporate as many senses as you can. What were you wearing? What were they wearing? See it all with great vibrancy and detail. Now imagine the photo getting bigger and bigger and brighter and brighter. Repeat as needed. I find this works almost instantly to change your state and get some clarity.

Lastly, take a deep breath. Let it go with relief. Let your shoulders drop. SMILE and remind yourself that much better days and new exciting experiences are ahead of you!